1)I’m so lonely that even my imaginary friends ignore me.
2)I’m so unlovable that even blow up dolls tell me”I have a head ache”
3)As you can tell, I have a problem getting a date. Why just the other day, I tried to pay a prostitute to have sex with me and she took my money and said: “Sorry, I don’t fuck on the 1st date”
4) I’m so single that: If I stood on a cliff and shouted:I LOVE YOU”, the echo reply would be”I JUST WANNA BE FRIENDS” 😉
4)I’ve heard that Jesus saves. My question is, does he lend?
5)People in positions of power who say “gosh darn it” and “golly gee” make me nervous.
6)I think people need to be less sure of themselves. Why? Cause we’re wrong so often!
7)Spirituality should be a private thing. Like masturbation.
8)The Matrix will put you back together in front of those who tried to break you.#Karma
9)I keep hearing about “White People.” But unless you’re albino,you’re not white.
10)I kept hearing about “International Women’s Day.” Isn’t that every day?
11)Why are actors “In a movie”, but “On Tv?” #LanguageInconsistencies
12)When the TV remote is dead, what do most people do? Push on the buttons harder!
13)When people want you to duck, they scream “heads up?” Shouldn’t it be”Heads down?”
14)Why do people refer to hi quality things as “Good Shit?” This is our benchmark?
15)I hate when the good people let the bad people go in movies.That never ends well.
16)I’d rather know something,THEN “believe in it.” If you know,belief is unnecessary.