I’m a big fan of the English language—such a big fan that I think everyone else should speak it! But in all seriousness, as much as I like English, I think there many areas where it could be improved. Consistency is a big one.We all know about all the weird exceptions in regards to pronunciation, the way letters are used, how one word can mean many different things and is only defined by the context its in.
Is it just me, or is the medias coverage of this newest “Sex scandal” involving President Trump and “Stormy” Daniels just a bit perverse?
I know, I know—-if the president does it, it’s news—and there’s nothing the American people love more than a good ole fashion “gotcha ” sex scandal.
But lets look at the headlines that the press & media are using in relation to this “Scandal”—and you tell me if you think their only interest is in “reporting the news that matters”—or if they are purposely making salacious headlines and comments with lots of double entendres to “get the ratings up” :
(Damn it. Now I’m doing it! 😉
1)President Trumps Lawyers “put a gag order” on Stormy Daniels
2)”In regards to the true depth” of this scandal, the Press is having “a hard time takin it all in” Continue Reading »
Most people have looked at porn. Many won’t admit it, but most of us have—-not necessarily for perverse reasons, but because—well, its there—and we’re curious.
Of course, some of us take it too far, just like some of us drink too much, smoke too much etc. But there is one group of people I have always wondered about when it comes to porn—the blind.
What do the blind do for porn? Is there “Braille porn” where the braille bumps describe “Sexy situations?” Or do the the bumps just form shapes of—-well you know—-??
The point is, it has always seemed unfair to me that the blind cant see porn—-or even a naked pic!
So, being a humanitarian,a “caring individual” , I have, out of the goodness of my heart, come up with a revolutionary new invention that I call “Porn for the Blind.”
Now, not only is this a much needed product—-but think of the business possibilities! Think of the vast untapped market of blind people——people who until the arrival of my amazing invention were unable to experience the joys of —-well you know.
I can just see it now—Me on CNN(With my lawyer , Morty Loyerstein) being interviewed for my groundbreaking invention: Continue Reading »
I once knew a broad who was goin abroad. She was an anxious broad with a broad smile who couldn’t wait to get ON board to GO abroad. She told me:
“Brian,I’m a Broad whose gonna be on BROADway!”
To which I said: “Well, thats a broad statement! Shouldn’t you wait to get on board and go abroad before you plan on bein a broad in Broadway? You crazy Broad! ”
So I took this broad to the boardwalk. She smiled a broad smile and began broadcasting:
“This broad can’t wait to get onboard! Wait til my boyfriend Bradley sees this Broad at Broadway!”
She then walked boldly across the ship, taking broad steps and smiling broadly.
Finally, she got Off board and ON Broadway.
Her boyfriend Bradley was there–He had broad shoulders (Which this broad really liked!) and said “Have some Bread, Broad!”
“MMMMM” said the Broad,”This broad loves bread Bradley!”
Sadly, there was a big broad hole in the road, and the broad fell into it. She was never seen again. Thus ends the story of the broad smilin Broad who went abroad to be on Broadway.
We all know that the British Empire was for a time the master of much of the world. But how did Britain, a small country, conquer so much of the world and gain such a great influence over so many countries? Well, it wasn’t because of their superior navy or military as we’ve been told.
No, the British got control thru their mastery of linguistic skills, with a heavy emphasis on polite insults.
In fact, I believe their method of taking over countries went something like this:
(British Ambassador walks into poor village in a foreign country in the late 19th century, walks up to “The head Native”)
AMBASSADOR:”Excuse me, old chap—-I’ve had a good look around at your village—-its really quite appalling, you know? No proper loo or indoor plumbing.Not a couch to be seen.”
“HEAD NATIVE: “Loo? Couch?”
AMBASSADOR: “OH they’re quite wonderful.A couch is like—well,its like a chair(Points at old rusty stool) only much more comfortable you know. You really should try one out.” Continue Reading »
1) The trick to looking beautiful? Surround yourself with people uglier than you.
2) So many people are in denial— but they’ll NEVER admit it! Of course,I’d admit if I was in denial, but I’m not. I deny being in denial. I guess that makes me a double denier?
3) What would happen if a person “in denial” took a trip DOWN De Nile? Would they still deny being in denial why they were on De Nile?
Well I guess they could.
After all—they’re ON the Nile , going DOWN the Nile—they’re not IN “de Nile.” Besides, being “In denial in De Nile” could be dangerous. You need to get OUT of De Nile and back ON De Nile—and you can’t do that if you’re IN denial of being IN De Nile! No one can deny that!
So stay out of De Nile—especially if you’re IN denial. Continue Reading »