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“THE BANDS AND ARTISTS THAT HISTORY FORGOT” (PT 5)

41)”MELISSA NEVADA”: Former Vegas stripper and lap dancer Melissa Nevada (Real name Melissa Priestley)made an ill advised attempt to do a “Fetish/Vegas style tribute to Hannah Montana”.The show was billed as “The Adult version of Hannah Montana”,and was highly promoted in the weeks leading up to its premiere at the Venetian hotel. The show was fatally flawed from the very outset for one very important reason: Most adults HATE Hannah Montana, and as a result, the show closed after only one weekend due to poor ticket sales.

(The whereabouts of Melissa Priestley are currently not known.)

42)”JACKIE MIKOFF”: A well known “Michael Jackson impersonator” from the Russian Federation, Jackie Mikoff’s dream was to come to America and become a successful performer in his own right, and in 2002, after much critical acclaim in Russia, Jackie emigrated to America.

However,due to the many accusations against Michael Jackson that occurred in 2003, Jackie Mikoff had no luck in getting any interest or backers in his show,and in 2005, he returned to Russia where he is still recognized as one of their “premier entertainers”.

43)”BORIS MANINOFF”: Another story of a very talented Russian entertainer who failed to make a name for himself in The USA. In this case, the artist in question(Boris Maninoff) had done very well for himself doing “A tribute to Barry Manilow” in Russia, and like Jackie Mikoff, he also decided to try his luck in America.

Aware of the problems that Jackie faced,in 2003, Boris “Americanized his name” to “Barry”,and tried to promote himself as “Barry Maninoff”.Unfortunately,Boris wasn’t aware of the nickname many of Barry Manilow’s detractors had given him (“Barely Man enough”)and his being a little person(Boris was only 3 ft 2 inches tall) only compounded this problem.

44)”CHARLIE MONROE”: One of the strangest acts ever discovered by this researcher,”Charlie Monroe” was a transvestite from New York who dressed and sang like Marilyn Monroe and also idolized Charles Manson. In the late 70’s, He attempted to do several cabaret shows in New York,but was evicted and banned from ever appearing in the city limits again due to the swastika’s he used as props on the stage.

(The people who saw him claimed he was “One of the most truly horrible acts in the history of cabaret”,and this researcher doesn’t doubt it.)

45)”THE IMPOUNDED DOGS”: More of a comedy/parody act than a real music act,”The Impounded Dogs” DID do a “Tribute to The Stray Cats”,but instead of singing the lyrics in the songs,Lead singer “Foxy Terrier” barked, howled and yelped thru the lyrics, never actually singing a word. Naturally,”the gimmick” got old fast,and “The Impounded Dogs” never had a return engagement at any of the clubs they played.

46)”SLUDGE,CHEMTRAILS AND SOOT”: An ill advised tribute to “Earth,Wind and Fire”,”Sludge, Chemtrails,and Soot” was a group of Greenpeace activists who wanted to bring awareness to “The ever growing pollution that is besieging Mother Earth”. They changed all the lyrics to reflect this point of view(“Shinin Star that you cant see, Chemtrails oooo—verrrr you and me”)however,they met with little success in this approach. Routinely disparaged as “a downer” and panned by critics as doing “Horrifically bad versions of classic E,W and F tunes”,the group soon disbanded,and are now all currently working as Wall Street accountants.

47)”LT. VEGAN”: “LT Vegan”(AKA Freddy Cucumber) was a huge fan of “Captain Beefheart”.A practictioner of “Veganism”, Freddy decided to combine the concepts of “Being a vegetarian” with his love of “Captain Beefheart” into “One all encompassing wonderful show”. (His words) Apparently tho,the only person who thought his show was “wonderful” was Freddie himself,and according to my research, he has never been paid for a single performance!

(He has also been boycotted by “The meat growers of America”.)

48)”JOHNNY ZIRCONIA”: A huge fan of Neil Diamond,but lacking in resources,”Johnny Zirconia”(Johhny A. Palseed) decided to do a tribute to Neil Diamond. He initially billed himself as “Johnny Diamond”,but when it was discovered that the “diamond studded vest” he performed in was really covered in cubic zirconias, he got tagged with the nickname “Johnny Zirconia”,and retired soon after,in disgrace.

(Currently,Johnny works at a winery in Napa Valley as a grape smasher.)

49)”LIONESS”: An all female tribute to the group “Panthera”,”Lioness” is an up and coming band known not only for their blisteringly intense performances but for their appearance
(All the girls have “shaved heads” and “unshaved arm pits”.)

These women bill themselves as “tougher than you”,and believe me,they are!!

50)”O.L.E.”: A group of Nicaraugan peasants that were drawn together by their love for the “Electric Light Orchestra”,”O.L.E.” does fast “Latinized versions” of famous E.L.O. tunes.”Latinizing” not only the music,but the lyrics as well. (“Evil senorita”,”Mr Muchachos” are some of their more successful songs)

This is one of the few bands on this list that might actually have a future.Watch for them to appear on the American scene soon—-

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