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“THE BANDS AND ARTISTS THAT HISTORY FORGOT” (PT 7)

61) “CHARLESTON”:

Of all the many tributes to the band “Boston”, “Charleston” was probably the most unique.Their approach to Boston’s “classic rock repetoire” was to remake their songs with the classic 1920’s “Charleston Beat”. It was an unusual approach,and tho all the musicians were graduates of Juillard and the show was performed with spot on precision,it turned out that there simply was no audience for music that had “the Charleston Beat” or “Boston” for that matter.

62) “NERD IN DA LAB”

An ill fated tribute to ” Kool & The Gang” by 5 African American PHD/MIT grads,The founder of “Nerd in Da Lab” (Dr Leonard Kuhl ) had a noble ambition:

“To change the negative stereo type images presented of African Americans in the mainstream media and to present a different view of what is possible for our fellow brothas and sistas”

Sadly,while his heart was in the right place, the music of “Kool and the Gang” was simply not the right medium for a “new and positive image for the African American Community”, mainly because “Kool & the Gang” hadn’t had a hit in over 30 years and most of the “Brothas and Sistas” they tried to reach had never even heard of them or their music.

(Dr Kuhl is currently a writer for the TV show “The Big Bang theory” and claims the “Leonard” character is based on him. That claim has not been verified by this writer at this time)

63) “PSYCHOMAN”

Canadian native Joey Chainsaw first saw Loverboy in 1982 and decided soon afterwords that he wanted to do something similar,but with a much darker “horror based Twist”. According to him, after the concert, “In a moment of complete exhilaration” (as he claims) he penned the gruesome parody of “Turn me Loose” changing the words in chorus to “I’m gonna kill you my waaaay—or no way at all”.

The story goes that aound 1983, Joey (Who was a huge Texas Chainsaw Massacre fan and claimed to have all the bootlegs) decided to combine “The horror movies I love” with his favorite band.
The result? “Psychoman” was born.

However Joey’s project was destined to fail from the start. He didn’t take into account that most of Loverboy’s fans were young girls,and that most of them didn’t share “his love for horror movies”.Their predictable reaction to the gruesome looking Joey and his “masked band of psychos” playing violent versions of Loverboy doomed “Psychoman” from the start.

(Joey is currently serving out a 25 year prison sentence for attempted 1st degree murder—-he will be up for parole in 5 years and has often mentioned to the press that he “Cant wait to reform the band as soon as he gets out of jail”)

64) “BRAIN”

“Brain” was the “Brain child” of brothers Bob and Joe Chilton,two guys who’s love for the Wilson Sisters started off as a “Male version of Heart” based on a “harmless school boy crush”(Joe’s words) but eventually,The Chilton brothers obsession with Heart turned into a relentless pursuit of the two sisters—-a pursuit that eventually forced Heart’s lead singer Ann Wilson to put out a restraining order on both brothers.

“We hated doing this to them, because they were so pathetic. But they were starting to scare Nance and I with their endless letters,naked pictures, not to mention they were showing up at every concert,always in the front row. On the night Bob exposed himself to me,well—-that was the last straw. I thought———better safe than sorry”

We don’t know if the Chilton brothers tribute ever performed live or not—We only have their word for it. According to Bob, he did “a spot on version of Ann Wilson, hi notes and all”,but today he and his feckless brother Joe’s only “claim to fame” is being known for “stalking the Wilson sisters”.

65) “THE ROCKIN COLOREDS”

A tribute to the late 80’s black rock band “Living color”, “The Rockin Coloreds” was a band of white guys from Appalachia who decided to paint their faces black so they could “better emulate their idols,the band Living Color” . They claim that “They had no idea this was offensive to black people” and that “where they came from,thats what we called em”.

There has been no comment from any of the members of Living Color—mainly because no one knows where any of them are. However, “The Rockin Coloreds” ARE being sued by the NAACP as well as “The Southern Poverty Law Center”(

(They are getting representation from the KKK free of charge.)

66) “THE REPAIRS”

In 1983,British mechanic Geoff Mannerfeld supposedly formed a tribute to the band

“The Fixx” called “The Repairs”. His reason for forming the band?

He was as he put it “Inspired by the name of the band”

Mystified that anyone would go to all the trouble to form a tribute to another band without any real musical “affinity” for them I decided to personally go an interview Geoff for this compilation. What I found out astonished me!! It turned out that his main reason for forming the band was in fact that HE himself was “a repairman”. He told me (In perfect cockney brogue)

“Look mate,it was the name of the band that drew me towahhhds emmmm, bein a repairman meself, fixing things and such”

Well, I was shocked. It was the first time in this researchers history that I had ever encountered someone who was so drawn to a bands name, NOT their music. Not believing his story was true,I asked him if he even liked “The Fixx”, and he said

“Actually,I could give a bloody fig for their music!! If you ask me it was a bunch o rubbishhh. But again,bein a repaahman and such——– ”

Sadly,Geoff had no tapes or VHS to prove his claim to me of ever having started a band,or having been in a band.

However,I did get a lot of 2nd hand testimony and hearsay from all of the “blokes in the pub” (We did the interview in a pub)that Geoff was indeed “THE repairman” and that “Eee asss a luuuuvlaaay singin voice”

67) “FRACKING DAY”

A sarcastic tribute to the band Green Day,”Fracking day” was formed by a group of petroleum engineers who in their words “Can’t stand those San Francisco Tree huggers”.

“Everything runs on oil” said founder Curtis Wekklegg. “These green people are a bunch of morons.They probably drove a car to their save the earth concert”

When I asked him if he even liked Green Day’s music he said “Yeah its super easy to play. It’s actually the only rock band that writes songs we CAN play. That and the fact that we are all employed by the oil & gas industry is what spawned the idea.”

Apparently “Fracking Day” has yet to play any shows claiming “they need more practice”, so once again,I am left in the position of not being sure if they even are a band—again.

My apologies to the reader.

68)”MOUSE”

Describing themselves as “a less offensive acoustic folk tribute of the 80’s hair band Ratt, “Mouse” has been a mainstay in the “Starbucks/Coffee house circuit” for years now all up and down the California coast. Interestingly enough,the guys in “Mouse” look nothing like the band they are doing a tribute to. All of them have short hair and none of them do drugs. They all have day jobs, are “church goers” and claim that they are “Devoted to living a clean mouse like existence”

When I asked Manning “What a bunch of clean cut guys like them would want to do a folk tribute to a hard rockin band that symbolized 80’s decadence”, he scoffed and said:

“Doing drugs and living that crazy 80’s L.A. lifestyle————that’s what killed Ratt. Our way is safer. As for the “Folk music part”,we in “Mouse” feel that “The acoustic/folk sound” brings out “the radiant beauty that is the essence of Ratt’s music”.

Apparently,the audience at Starbucks agreed.

69)”FAT WIFE”:

“Fat Wife” was an all female tribute to the famous Irish band “Thin Lizzy”. Their one stumbling block to success? Lead singer Missy Estregene, whose immense size and strong east coast “New Joisey accent” took all the attention away from everyone else on the stage. This was indeed unfortunate,as the rest of the band were all competent musicians. However,the musical prowess of the band went un noticed due to Missy’s legendary rants between songs against her husband and men in general. Her constant assumption that “The East coast rules” also went completely over the heads of the UK audiences who attended the shows, and “Fat Wife” soon disbanded.

70) “SKITTLE”:

A tribute to white rapper and miscreant “Eminem”, Nino Skittle (Yes that’s his real name—Google it!!) claimed that he had always been a fan of Eminem, who as he put it “Showed all of us white people that we could make it in a black mans world” .

(He also mentioned to me in private that he felt a special kinship with Eminem as he too was “named after a famous candy treat”. )

The fact is,while Nino’s rapping skills are marginal at best,and most people see him as a parody act, his shows are popular and well attended. In fact,due to his ever growing popularity he is currently involved with HBO in negotiations to get his own talk show.

We wish him Luck!!

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