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“DIRT FOR PRESIDENT”(Excerpt from Campaign speech “Finding Common Ground”)

Ladies and Gentlemen: Given all the recent racial tension in recent times, I think this recent “campaign speech” from my “Candidate of Choice” for the next president (“DIRT”) is more important than ever and should be read by all.


(A message from the “Dirt for President Campaign” from a speech given in Chicago on July 13,2015)

‘My fellow Americans!

In this day and age of racial issues and the never ending search for equality, I think that perhaps we as a nation have not gone nearly far enough!”

(Crowd applauds,waves “Dirt and Sand in 2016” signs))

“May I suggest that there are two words that have caused an endless amount of mischief and that have divided us as a people for far too long and which NEED to be eliminated from our vocabulary!

Those two words are “Black” and “White”.

(Crowd Cheers,starts chanting “We Love Dirt!” We Love Dirt”)
Ladies and Gentlemen! (Makes pointing gesture with dirty finger—NOT the wimpy ” thumb over the four fingers” gesture, raises voice)

If we’re REEEEEEALLY going to be serious about making everything completely fair and being as “politically correct” as we can, we need to delve deeper into how these two words “Black” and “White” have been used to define us and in my opinion(Wipes imaginary tear from face) TO HARRRRRRMMMMMMMM US.

(Man in crowd screams “We love you Dirt!”——Dirt smiles “a dirty grin” and continues)

My fellow Americans—–Lets look at some of the connotations of these two words and how they are used.:

First ,lets look at the word “White”:

My fellow Americans, many of us here in this hall have a european heritage—-and you are often described as being “white”——but in all honesty,the colors “pink” or “beige” or even “Tan” are a more accurate description than ‘white.”

So in truth,”people of European descent” are not “white”—they are “people of color” just like anyone else!

Then lets look at some common words using the word “white”:

1)When we make a mistake, we “white it out” (Crowd boos)

2)When someone commits a crime and the jury is paid to look the other way, we call it a “White Wash”

And worst of all—-when we elect a leader—they go to the “WHITE HOUSE”(Crowd boos)

Well I can promise you one thing: If I am elected, the “White House” won’t stay “White” FOR VERY LONG!!!!!!

(CROWD Cheers wildly and waves “We love Dirt” signs )
So we can see that the word White has a negative connotation—-but what about the word “Black”??

(Crowd boos)
My fellow Americans, most “black people” are not BLACK! They are varying shades of brown!!! Yet they are called Black with all the negative connotations attached to it. Think about it:

1)When someone tells an off color joke, it is referred to as “Black humor” (Crowd Boos)

2) When someone “loses conciousness”, they are “blacking out”

3)When we talk about a horrible day in our past? It is referred to as “A BLACK DAY in our history” (Huge loud booooooo!)

Of course Ladies and Gentlemen, I could go on and on——-but I think you get the point—and that point is that we need to STOP referring to people as “Black” or White”!!!

What it comes down to my fellllllow Amerrrricans is that “black” and White” are total opposites. There can never be any “common ground between them” and thus, to label each other as “black” or “white ” keeps us apart.

BUT! (Crowd cheers) If we all begin to see each other as different variations of the color brown—-BROWN LIKE THE DIRT BENEATH MY FEET!!!(Crowd goes wild!) Then we have a chance for some COMMON GROUND!

(Crowd totally loses it—deafening cheers,”Senator Grime” is seen in the audience clapping/giving a thumbs up)

And I promise you my Fellow Americans—-that achieving this(Lonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggg Pause) COMMONNNN GROUND will be one of the highest priorities of a “DIRT AND SAND ADMINISTRATION!!!

(Crowd is louder than ever)

Thank you very much! Thank you!!!
(The song “Dirty Laundry” comes on as “Dirt” leaves the podium)


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