1) Can you imagine if it was illegal for straight people to marry? Most guys would love it because they’d have the perfect excuse to never commit.
“Hun, I’d marry you if I could ——-But you know the law!! ”
2) “Did you hear about the Terrorists wife? He really loved her—But she didn’t know what Jihad”.
3) “I bought some virtual reality software for my computer, but it didn’t work——-it was a “Symphony”
4) “Did you hear about the composer who had diabetes? He did lots of Suites.”
5) “The other day I was in a car lot,and the salesman tried to sell me a truck. I told him I needed a canopy—-so he gave me a bucket and said:
“The bathrooms around the corner and to the left”
6) “Ever hear about the agnostic/dyslexic/insomniac? He stayed up alllllllllllll night wondering if there was a dog.”
7) “A book recently came out about the band “Simply Red”—I tried skimming thru it,but I couldn’t understand it.”
8) A woman once told me “I’m trying to exercise my inner lesbian——but I just can’t get the dichotomy.”
9) “Did you hear about the 2 peanuts? One was assaulted. The other was shell shocked. The poor nut—-he cracked under the pressure. He was spread too thin, and his legs turned to jelly.”
10) “The other day the Dalai lama walked into a pizza place and said to the cashier:
“Can you make me one—-with everything?” To which the cashier replied:”WHOA DUDE! Tripiiiiiippppppy! I was just about to ask you the same thing!!”
11) “Some people have amnesia—some have deja vu——-I have both. I cant remember what just happened, but I’m sure I’ve done it before”
12) “Did you know that most people are extremely gullible? It’s true!!! Trust me. “