1) People always like to say before you travel somewhere “Have a safe trip”. But is that always such a smart thing to say to someone before they go somewhere? What if the person you said “Have a safe trip” doesn’t survive or dies in a car crash? You’ll feel terrible! Better to say to someone before they go on a trip or a vacation : “Hey—-do the best you can!”
It’s a lot more realistic and it takes a lot of pressure off you. You don’t need that guilt.
2) We call women with black hair “Brunettes”,we call women with yellow hair “Blondes—so WHY do we call women with red hair “red heads”?? Where’s the consistency?
3) One of life’s many risky adventures:
Trying to cut off the dry cleaning tags from your expensive shirt or pants.
4) When someone ends a story with the knowing line “Of course,that’s neither here nor there”,
I am always tempted to scream: “WELL? WHERE IS IT?”
5) We always hear about hail stones as being “The size of_____” But never the reverse!!
Just once for the sake of variety I’d like to hear someone see something—anything—–and compare it to a hailstone. You know like:
“Hey Tyler!! Did you see that Bird?? It was as big as 13 hail stones!!
6) Everyone is always talking about “Cloud 9”, but personally I think “Cloud 9” is over rated.
Just a heads up: I have heard some great things about “Cloud 8”. Sure,it doesn’t quite have the view that “Cloud 9” has, but its a lot quieter, and I hear the service is better as well.
7) Amazing how the terms use to describe the weather have changed. Today for instance,I heard that there was a chance for “thunder snow” due to the “polar vortex”—-which of course is causing all kinds of “Haboobs” in the southern desert areas.
8) Men don’t understand women—– which is probably a good thing. After all: Women understand other women, and most women hate each other!!
9) I once knew a girl named “Roxy Moran” When I met her she said it was “an open secret” that she was gay. I told her I was “highly depressed” but that naturally,I was open to all “new traditions” and that I believed in “safe sex”. She told me that she had “lots of male friends”—–
10) Speaking of friends with strange names,I once knew a guy named Ray—Ray Dundant?
He was quite a unique individual. He told me he loved to “give away free gifts” and enjoyed helping people understand their “future potential”.
I told him “the true fact” was that the only “added bonus” of him giving away those “free gifts” was that people would just end up bringing them back to the store for “money back refunds”.
He laughed and said he was well aware that was a “potential hazard” and that I was “exactly right”. He then told me that “what’s done is done” but that he refused to “revert back” to “imaginary fears” when it came to “basic human decency”.
I laughed and told him “Hey,do what you need to do”—- He agreed it was probably “over the top” to give all those “free gifts” away. He told me he had found “a safe haven” in his “inner core” and that he was only going to give away “free coupons” from now on.
11) Not too many people know that Sigmund Freud had a brother named Chad——-Chad N. Freud?
Chad was apparently quite a sadist and his only accomplishment was his inventing of the phrase “Hey,life’s a bitch”.
12) We all know about that annoying holiday “Valentines Day—a day supposedly dedicated to the premise of showing that special someone how much you care about them—-or else?
OK,all joking aside about Valentines Day,why don’t we have a holiday devoted to expressing all the dislike and disdain we have for “certain people” that sadly we also “have in our lives?”
Now THERE’S a holiday “who’s time has come”.
13) “Put your hands in the air like you just don’t care” Ever heard that one? Chances are if you’ve ever been to a concert/an event with a D.J./”Emcee” they will ask you at some time during the night to “Put your hands in the air—-like you just don’t care.”
Actually,if you really don’t care,”putting your hands in the air” will be more effort than you are willing to make. The people this comment is directed at are very likely to say:
” Hmmm—I don’t care,and I’d rather not put my hands up if you don’t mind. In fact,now that I think of it,this music is really annoying. I’m getting the hell out of here.”