1)”I really pity whoever is the last man on earth. Most women agree they want NOTHING to do with THAT guy”
2) “I have no empathy for sympathy—or is it sympathy for empathy?? Hmmm—oh well. Either way, I don’t care”
3)”You’ve heard about the pot calling the kettle black? Well the Pot was white, and its in big trouble”
4) “I know this is a bit snarky, but I can’t believe how many people have been snookered into watching snooky. How sneaky!”
5) “I always hear people talking about the institution of marriage. Isn’t an institution where they put crazy people?”
6)”Seek out humor in what is happening around you and in your own life as well, for without a sense of the absurd, insanity is your future, especially in troubled times”
(Credited to the great philosopher Antonio Chysostomus Bartholdi 322 B.C—212 A.D. )
7)”Hey everyone, I have a great joke for you! It’s so clever, it’ll make you feel like a complete moron———–Oh, I see you’ve already heard it”
8)”how do you keep an idiot in suspense? I’ll tell you tomorrow——-”
9)”They say money can’t buy you happiness—–but at least you can pick your own misery!”
10) “Two places you’ll never see many women—-at a Star Trek Convention, or at a Rush concert”
11) There are some words that just sound nasty and ugly and have a bad vibe to them.”Chunks” is one of those words. For example, you’ll never hear anyone say :”And over here we have some lovely chunks of pasta”. You can’t even call an overweight person “chunky” anymore. Why does this word have such a bad connotation? In my opinion, the reason for this is that the word “chunks” is usually connected to the word “vomit”.
12) Recently I have become aware that many people from other countries have really gotten tired of Americans and our spendthrift ways. I found this out the other day when I went to a Chinese restaurant, and when I got my fortune cookie, it said “You have been living beyond your means.This restaurant only accept cash from you!! You go soon!!”
I thought “Hmmm——that’s a bit specific for a fortune cookie!”
13) I decided that from now on, when I post on social media web sites or blogs that I am going to be vague and make contradictory statements to protect myself from all these privacy violations in our modern world—–or am I?
14) Just looked in the dictionary for the definition of the word “redundant” and it said “See Redundant”.
15) “E=FB2—-“The General Theory of Sociability”
“E=DC2—-“The Special Theory of Mediocrity”
16) “The greatest problem modern humanity has is not that we think too highly of ourselves, or that we think too lowly of ourselves—-It’s that too many of us are constantly thinking of nothing BUT ourselves!”