Leave a comment

“NEW EUPHEMISMS FOR 2016”

This year we passed March 19,2015 with nary a mention that it was the 12th Anniversary of The “Invasion of Iraq”.
But, truth be told,back in 2003,it wasn’t called “An invasion” was it? No, it was called “A Pre-emptive War”.

Since then,we have had several other “pre-emptive wars”.But now,in 2015 they are no longer even called “Pre-emptive wars”!! They are called “Humanitarian Interventions”.

Sounds so much better doesn’t it?

We’re not killing them,we’re HELPING THEM.

This is the power of “euphemistic language”:To describe unpleasant violent reality with “soft words” that often have the exact opposite meanings,or are very clinical and bureaucratic sounding.
“Invading” a country sounds terrible,but if you call it “A Humanitarian Intervention”,it doesn’t sound so bad.

So seeing as how this “Orwellian euphemistic spirit” seems to pervade our culture and dominate our news media more and more in the 21st century,I would like to suggest some more new and hitherto “unheard of euphemisms” for 2016——–phrases designed to protect those of us with “delicate and sensitive natures” from some of the more “unpleasant parts of life” and from those evil nasty words that describe them in such an “uncaring manner”.

1)From now on, “VIOLENCE” will be referred to as “Unfortunate Aggression”

2)A “RAPE” will be called an “unplanned penetration”

3)”DEATH”= An “involuntary activity reduction”

4)”ABUSE”= “unwarranted psychic trauma”

5)”DEBT”= A “decreased income adjustment”

6)”ADULTERY” will now be referred to as a “restructured marital situation”

7)A “LIE??” No,it’s merely an “Alternative reality description”

8)”CANCER” is merely a “unfortunate cellular modification”

9)No more “ADDICTIONS”—–From now on, they will be called “inappropriate behavioral continuities”

10)In the future,there will be no”ROBBERY” or “THEFT”—– only “improper asset removal”

11)”PAIN??” It’s just an “unintentional neural dissonance”

12)No more “CONVERSATIONS”—- from now on,they will be referred to as “Offline verbal communication”

13)Last but not least, “EMBEZZLEMENT” will from now on be referred to as “Deficient financial transfer”
See how much better life can be with the proper language? And there is so much MORE work to do!!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: