1)My “Politically correct thought” of the day(Takes deep breath)
“I’m totally in favor of legalizing Gay Marijuana for Transgender Illegal Immigrants who want to have tax payer funded abortions at Planned Parenthood if they turn in their firearms and get their flu shots!” (Gasps for breath)
2)Ever look at a dictionary to find a definition of someone or something and read that definition and think that the definitions are not quite as accurate as they could be?
With that spirit in mind, here are some “reality based definitions” of certain types of people that we all have run into at one time or another.
A)”Therapist”—— Over charges clients,has the words “The” and “Rapist” in the name.
B)”Buddhist”—Nice religion, doesn’t really work in the real world.
C)”Artist” —a description of a creative person who is ahead of the curve and who does wonderful things that enrich our live. Unfortunately,for every real artist, there are 100 phonies who CLAIM to be artists, but are in fact just pretentious posers.
D)”Columnist”——–a poor man’s critic.
F)”Cardiologist”—–They kill thousands of people every year—but at least they’re trying.
G) “Anthropologist” —They’re making it up as they go along!
H) “Pharmacologist”—Glorified drug pushers in white lab coats.
J) “Contortionists” —Sexual deviants.
3)”Saving Private Ryan”,Oceans 11″,”The Bourne Identity”,”Interstellar”—and now “the Martian”—– How many more times are we going to have to rescue Matt Damon?
4)I actually heard someone say the other day at the tail end of a conversation:
“Well you know what they say—-the proof is in the pudding!”
First of all, I do not “Know what they say—-” (In fact,I didn’t hear a word of it!) What DID they say? Perhaps some additional information could’ve been given?
Like say for example, “Well you know what the Jensen’s say? They said Hello”
Now THAT is a statement that is clear and concise.
Second of all,I have a problem with the phrase “The proof is in the pudding”
Was a crime committed and the proof of this crime is buried in pudding? And what KIND of “pudding” are we talking about? Is it chocolate? Vanilla? Butterscotch? And WHERE is this pudding located? Is it near me? Will I need to travel?Is Bill Cosby involved in some way?
Again, the lack of details in this statement is very frustrating! If a crime WAS committed,How unfortunate for the victim that the statement is so vague!!
(Hmmmm—–Perhaps the person who started this whole saying is the one who committed the crime, and they are fiendishly taunting us, knowing that we’ll never figure this mystery out. )
5)Rule #1 for ANY movie: If a character in the movie is a jerk to other characters in the movie, that person will be killed later on in the movie. so never fear—jerks always get their comeuppance—at least in the movies they do.
6)I hate it when people accuse me of “Lolly Gagging” when it’s obvious to anyone that I am “Dilly Dallying”. There’s a big difference, and if you can’t see it, we’re thru.
7)Drinking “Decaf Coffee” is like hiring a hooker and finding out she only “cuddles”.
8)I don’t care how advanced any computer “A.I.” (“Artificial Intelligence”) becomes,it will never be funny. Humans for the win!!!
9)We often hear the phrase “It’s good to think ahead”—but if you really examine that statement You’ll see how ludicrous that statement is and here’s why:
When you engage in “thinking” you are going thru your memory banks to “figure things out”—thus when you “think”, you are always “thinking BACK”—it is literally impossible to “think ahead” because you haven’t got the data to do so.
10)While we’re on the subject of “thinking back”
Many times people use little phrases to offer “consolation” and to show that “All’s well”.
Two such sayings are “Let’s just put it all behind us” and “We just need to move forward”
Supposedly they mean the same thing——-but do they really?
First of all, nothing,especially in life is ever “all behind you.” If it was, how could you ever move forward?
All you would end up doing is running into things that were “Behind you” You dig?
As to the saying “we just need to move forward”,well,doesn’t that contradict the other statement? (“You just need to put it all behind you”)
Not to mention, that sentiment isn’t always such a good idea either!
What if you’re previous activity involved someone trying to kill you? Or someone who had been abusing you physically and/or verbally? We definitely don’t want to “move Forward” with any of THAT!
No no—-in that case, we just need to “leave it all behind us”.
11)Why is the symbol for the medical system (“The Caduceus”)”A snake slithering up a poll” with a “6 cornered Star of David/ Hexagram” in back of it?
A snake slithering up a pole seems to be an odd choice for a profession that proclaims to be about “healing the sick”