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“HOW TO USE THE LIBRARY”

With “tongue planted firmly in cheek”,I offer you the following advice on “how to use the library” and “supplement your book collection.”

Dear Readers:

In recent times,it has become clear to me that many MANY people want to read, but many simply can not afford to buy books!! So as a public service,I would like to suggest the following “Method” to “augment your library” and get Alllll the books you want for pennies on the dollar”.
Here’s what you do:
1)Go find a homeless person, and pay them a few bucks to go into the library with you—–have them sign up for a library card.

(Tell them “You need to check out a few books” 😉

2)Ask the librarian “the limit on checkout”. Once she tells you, give the homeless person a paper bag, and take them thru the library and have them “check out their limit” with all the books YOU want. (Hey you’re paying them right? Make them earn their money!)

3)After they go thru the check out line,walk them to your car(make sure you park nearby)
Take the bag of books from their hand and pay them a few bucks more and SEND THEM ON THEIR WAY. Tell them “thank you very much”. and give them a “thumbs up sign.”

(Homeless people really like that.)
4) Repeat #1-3 with other homeless people.

Trust me—-if you get enough homeless people to do this eventually, you will have a complete library of all the books you want for pennies on the dollar!!
Now SOME people would call this “stealing”(Sigh) but I prefer to think of it as “giving those books a good home”. After all IT’S a LIBRARY. Many of those books have been sitting there collecting dust for years.
(Lets face it—the library can always get more books!! That’s what those taxes are for!!)
Besides, it’s not really stealing because it isn’t YOUR name on those library cards!! It’s the homeless guys name!!
By the way:
I’ll bet those homeless people could really use that $$$ you gave them! If you think about it, what you’re doing here is being “a humanitarian”. The homeless people win,you get all the books you’ve ever wanted for pennies on the dollar,the library buys new books—-everybody wins!!

(ADDENDUM)

“Mr McCarthy would like to make it perfectly clear to the State of Washington corrections board that he was not actually advocating using the homeless to steal from a public library. He also wanted me to express to all his readers that the story is for entertainment purposes only, and that he his hoping to put this whole thing behind him and get on with his life.”

Sincerely,

Morty J Loyerstein

(Attorney to Law)

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