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Most people have heard of math equations used to describe science—but how about for music/musical performances? Or for the way people behave when they hear music?

Well,unbeknownst to most people, there are few equations that relate directly to musical performance that I will now reveal to you as “a public service.” (Hey—I love—I love.)


If M=”Number of musicians on stage” and D= “Number of back up dancers on stage” and Q=The “Quality of the music”,then we can produce the following equation:

“Q= M-D”


If A=the audience,and C=The amount of $ the audience has,and V= The volume of the music,then the following equation can be stated;


I’m not sure why, but at nearly every classical concert there are always several people who are coughing thru the whole performance!! Why does that happen? Why don’t these people stay home when they have the flu,or a cold?

I have to imagine that somewhere at some time, something similar to this scenario happened before a classical concert:

MAN w/COLD: “Cough cough cough—-”

MAN’S WIFE: “Honey,that sounds bad—maybe we should stay home?”

MAN w/COLD: “Dearest one,(Looks up at sky speaks in a grandiose voice) THERE MUST ALWAYYYYYYS BEEEEEE ONNNNNNNE! And Tonight—– IS MY NIGHT (Cough cough cough!)

So if “C”= coughing, “S”=The seriousness of the music “V”=The volume of the music, then the following equation presents itself:

S/V =C


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