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“WHO WRITES FOR THE TUBA?”

 

It occurred to me one day that I could think of no composer of any note who had written a Classical Concerto—for the TUBA.With the exception of Oktoberfest and an occasional part here and there in a symphony, the Tuba has long been one of the most misunderstood and under rated of all symphony instruments.

(In fact, I recently read that suicide rates are higher with Tuba soloists than with any other instrument!! )

Well,in my opinion, this needs to stop, and being someone who hates discrimination,the thought struck me:

Perhaps I could be the first to write for this forgotten instrument?

Perhaps THIS is the reason I was born? Maybe every tuba player would have a bust of my head in their homes!! Perhps THIS could be my road to fame and stardom.

I can see it now in the 22nd century history books:

“Little is known about the Composer Brian McCarthy other than his one famous work, his classic concerto for the Tuba was written in “G Polka dot minor.This piece has long been a favorite amongst orchestras worldwide—especially those who play the Tuba. It is a true test of any tuba players skill,as most of the notes are written in the treble clef.”

Ahhh yes—that would be sweet! Of course, I am sure that there are “naysayers”  that will say: “No one would pay to see a concerto with the Tuba” or “No one cares about the Tuba”

Well, I beg to differ! AND—-it’s all the more reason that someone needs to write this piece! with my long history as a performer, I am fairly sure I could compose a successful piece for this long over looked instrument.

The first step is to get people excited. Instead of the traditional “Classical concert approach”  where everyone sits quietly waiting for the music to start, I would employ a more “populist approach”

Here’s how I see this happening: Before the orchestra even begins to play, I’ll have the tuba soloist come out  and play a 2 note motif over and over(as only a tuba can) starting out softly, than gradually building. The audience will instructed to say “Tuuu—–Baaaa!! Tuuu—–Baaaaaa” with those notes.

Once the orchestra starts to play, the crowd will already be revved up and excited for the great melodies to come!

(Hey, I know how to get an audience going. Ahem.)

AND——Maybe the tuba soloist  could have an “Electric Tuba” and thus be hooked up to “a stack of guitar amplifiers.” Think of the tones he could create with all those guitar effects!

Imagine a tuba player with a wah wah pedal! Or a distortion box!

I know–I know—goosebumps!

And then—there would be applause!

“Geeeeniuss” they’ll say————–“GEEEEEEEEENNNNNIUSSSSSSS! BRAVO MAESTRO MCCARTHY!”

(Not to mention all the hot groupies!  )

Well, I have work to do. All I can say is  hang in there my fellow tuba menschen!

“Brian’s on  the case——–”

ADDENDUM:

“It has come to my clients attention that there HAS been a “Concerto for Tuba” written by Ralph Vaughn Williams. I hope the Vaughn Williams estate will take this into account and drop their lawsuit based on what was obviously a misguided joke on this issue.

Mr McCarthy also recently admitted that the statement he made about tuba players having “The highest rate of suicide” was also not true and made in jest,and he hopes that the members of  NAATS(National Association for the Advancement of Tuba Soloists)” will drop THEIR lawsuit as well.

SINCERELY,
MORTY J LOYERSTEIN

(Attorney at Law for Mr McCarthy)

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