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“THINGS THAT LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE GETTING OLDER”

Many people say “Getting old is just a state of mind”, and I agree. That’s why I decided to make this small list of 12 “states of mind” that let you know that “you’re getting older.”

1) When you are really amazed that a younger person has never heard of a famous movie star or musician or band that you are fond of.

(“What? You’ve never heard of Bob Dylan? How can you not have heard of Bob Dylan? What’s the world coming to?”)
2) When you realize that you hate almost all “new music.” You’ve tried to like it—you really have! But you don’t, because, well—it’s just terrible.

(You also don’t recognize any of the names of the “hip bands” or “New artists” on the scene. You say things like: “Who ARE these people?” and ” Whatever happened to Alanis Morrisette?” and so on— )
3)You can’t figure out why your clothes “keep shrinking in the closet.”

(You tell yourself that “It must be the dryness of the air” and such)
4) You can no longer eat “whatever you want.” Oh, you can try—-but you will suffer later.

Now, yours is now a life of “limitations”:

You find yourself saying things like “No dairy please” and “I can’t have too much salt.”
5) You go to bed early—Reeeeeeeeeeally earrrrrrlllllyyyyyyy.

And you get up—-reeeeeeeeallly earrrrrrllllyyyyyyyyy.

What happened? 😉
6) It’s either too hot or too cold!

7) You just don’t get new humor and comedy. You find yourself saying things like:

“They just don’t make funny movies anymore” and

“Well—that’s not funny. That’s just vulgar.”

(Sigh—ever notice how every thing just keeps getting more and more crude and vulgar the older you get?? )
8) You start to look back on things,people and events that you hated at the time.

“You know, he was quite a character” (A guy who used to bully you every day after school-)

“I always loved her” (A woman you couldn’t stand at the time.)

Ahhh yes——“Distance does truly make the heart grow fonder”

9) Your bones start to hurt. For no reason. A slight trip or fall that used to make you laugh is now a tragic event .

10) Your hair is either turning grey, or falling out—or both. Regardless, you wear more hats.

(I’m fairly certain that the first hats were invented by old people. in fact, Bald men were the first “Masters of the hat”)
11) Going thru all the effort to meet someone and “get laid” becomes a secondary option to staying home and reading or watching a movie. You start buying more and more blankets.

12) Food becomes more important. A LOT more important.

In fact, “bad food” and especially “bad service” is the one thing you simply don’t tolerate. Sure your bones ache, new music sucks and you don’t get laid as often—but DON’T MESS WITH MY FOOD.

(In fact, did you know that the first person to be killed in a restaurant was murdered by an old man who thought his steak was too well done? Ok———- I don’t know if that’s true—-but it wouldn’t surprise me.)

Last but not least, you will know you’re “getting older” if you find yourself saying things like “Back in my day” and “When we were kids–” and “Where am I?” and “What’s my name again?”
If you find yourself repeating quips like that, it’s a sure sign that you are now one of the “Over the Hill gang”—-but I’m here to tell you—-it gets better.
OK that’s a lie. It doesn’t get better: IT GETS WORSE.
So start laughing—-having a sense of humor helps.

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