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“MR BURNS VS FACEBOOK” (Pt 1)

 

In this day and age of the Internet and social media, we all know someone who is older who has no knowledge of social media, or adamantly refuses to “Go online”, or doesn’t even own or use a computer in anyway. Being a big fan of “The Simpson’s” I thought it might be funny to imagining the reaction of one of my favorite characters “Mr Burns” (who is supposedly 104 years old) in being “Introduced” to the social media network known as “Facebook” by his faithful bootlick assistant “Mr Smithers”

So I present to you in two parts, the story of “Mr Burns vs Facebook”

(In Part 1,we see “Mr Smithers” trying to convince “Mr Burns” to “get a Facebook page”.)

MR BURNS: “Smithers,who is this rabble rouser woman making these comments on my computer screen?”

SMITHERS: “Umm,her name is Roxanne Riday Kilstein sir?”
MR BURNS: “Roxanne RIDAY KiLLLSteeeein? Why so many names? Is she one of those “I’m not changing my name for you”… Suffragette types? Smithers, you know our policy on hiring those flappers!!!”

SMITHERS: “Sir,I believe our lawyers have already been over this—your company now has a non discriminatory policy when it comes to our employees. Besides—she doesn’t work here. She’s on Face——“(Mr Burns interrupts)

MR BURNS: “WHAT? Non—–Dis—crim—i–na–Torrry??? What in BLAZES does THAT mean? Speak English man!!

SMITHERS: “It means sir that you cant refuse to hire a someone because of gender,political affiliation—But the thing is sir—–”

MR BURNS: “Political affiliation?? SMITHERS! Is this woman a communist??

SMITHERS:”No sir–I think she’s a democrat,judging by this posting”

MR BURNS:”HAAA!Why Smithers you ninny—-thats the same thing! Soooooo—–this Roxanne is one of those labor joining, pot smoking, anti war environmental hippy types?
I want her fired immediately!!!

SMITHERS: “Ummmm—- Sir?”

MR BURNS: “Yes Smithers what is it? Whats the problem???”
SMITHERS: “Sir, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you—she doesn’t work for you!! She’s just posting on Facebook”

MR BURNS: “She’s on myyyyy computer screen —and she’s not working for me???”

SMITHERS””Well sir, Facebook is a social networking site. It’s owned by a man named Mark Zuckerberg. Lots of people use it.”

MR BURNS:”Hmmm—a Jewish fellow ehh? This(Pauses)ZUCKERBERG—–he allows his employees to talk freely like this,stating these types of anti corporate opinions?”
SMITHERS: “Sir,they’re not his employees! Facebook is just a place where people go to talk and share photos with friends—and sometimes even their political opinions and ideas”

MR BURNS:”(Sigh)Oh I see—its “a service”. heh Heh—I get it!! How much does Zuckerberg charge? (Chuckling) You know—He’s Jewish my dear Smithers(Chuckling more)—They never do anything for free!! ”
SMITHERS: “Well actually sir—it IS free!! Anyone can be a member. Its the biggest social networking site in the whole world.In fact——–I’m a member sir. (Looks anxiously at Mr Burns) Would——-YOU like to be a member? Its easy! I can help you sign up!!

MR BURNS: “ANNNNYONE can be a member??? Well what kind of a club is THAT?? Where’s the fun?? Ahhhhh Smithers——what HAS the world come to?? Why back in my day,we had standards for our “social clubs”!! We didn’t just allow anyone in!! We certainly didn’t allow communist 3 named women like this Ms Kilstein to join—-Women were allowed 2 names back then. Come to think of it(strokes chin and gets thoughtful) we would never have allowed any jewwwwwwws either. Smithers, are you sure this “Faaaaacebook CLUB” is owned by a Jewish fellow?”

SMITHERS:” Yes sir,I’m positive”

MR BURNS:” Ahhh well. The world certainly has changed. I miss the old days Waylon, you know? Ah yes—we had STANDARDS then. Those were the days Smithers!

(Smiles,starts humming “Those were the days my friend–I thought they’d nevvv—-er end—yap doo doo dooooo —deee doo doo—— dooooo—— dooooo dooooooo)

SMITHERS(Frowning) Yes sir—those certainly were the days.(sigh)

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