(To be read with tongue firmly planted in cheek)
OK,It has recently come to my attention lately that some men are just total idiots when it comes to women! (GASP! I know—it’s shocking, but hear me out.)
For example, I have recently become aware that apparently women really hate when men tell them to “Smile” when they’re frowning!!
(I know—it’s incredible that this advice is not received well, and that it can be annoying—-but again, just hear me out on this , my fellow tri-pods.)
Anyways, the thought hit me that since women are so touchy about things like this that perhaps men could use some more advice on this topic of “What to not say or do when it comes to women”——— so besides “Telling her to smile” when she’s obviously annoyed,here are a few other good tips for all you guys out there of things to NOT say or do that were “learned in the real world” by yours truly at “the school of hard knocks” thru a lifetime of experience in the romantic battlefield with “the fairer sex”:
If she agrees to go out with you and asks you where you want to go and you say something like” I don’t know—-what do you want to do? “—STRIKE 1.
2) “MASTER THE ART OF THE BACK HANDED COMPLIMENT”
A lot of men do eventually figure this out, but unfortunately, they go too far to the other side of the spectrum and take “The jerk route.”
The problem with that is, while a woman wants a challenge,most of them tend to not like total a-holes very much!
Here’s the problem: Most men are problem solvers by nature. We want to figure out what the problem is, and then proceed with a logical course of action to it.
Let me tell you my fellow tri pods that I know from many failed attempts at this approach that THIS. DOES .NOT. WORK.
We can’t do it!
And guys,trust me: No matter how hard you try to “Just listen”, you WILL start offering “solutions”, and that is a recipe for disaster, because invariably, you will say the wrong thing and just make things worse.
(Those of you who have tried the “Just listen” approach KNOW I’m right. In fact, I can see you in my minds eye shaking your heads in agreement as you read this!)
No the best solution for a man in this situation?
GET AWAY FROM HER AS FAST AS YOU CAN. The reason?
ANYTHING you say will only make the problem worse.
1) Pretend you just got a call on your cell phone from your friend. He has “a Flat tire” and you are going to help him fix it. It’s an emergency! Tell her you will be back soon and that “you hope she feels better.”
This way, you’re not a jerk! “You just have to go. RIGHT NOW. ”
2) “YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR CAR/YOU’RE PARKED IN A BAD SPOT” etc
If you live in a big city,parking can get you out of the house for at least a 1/2 an hour.
(Maybe go get something to eat? Maybe get some errands done? Use the time wisely)
Here’s the great thing about this ruse:
By the time you DO come back, she will probably have calmed down. In fact,she will probably have forgotten all about what she was upset about because she will be more curious about what happened to you!!
3) PRETEND YOU NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM”
In fact, not only do you have to go to the bathroom, once you’re in there,make sure to make lots of choking noises,flush several times, run the water.etc
If you lay it on thick enough, invariably she will tell you to “go lie down.”
(If you’re REALLY lucky, she might even make you some warm tea and give you a hug!)
The point is,whatever you do—don’t “listen” and don’t “solve”—-kapeesh? ;()
I hope those of you that took time to read this will learn form what I have said. These simple tips will save you a lot of anguish, and will extend the life and quality of your relationship.
(Hey, don’t thank me—it’s what I do!)