“GOING OUT TO EAT:A MODERN DAY NIGHTMARE”

Remember when going out to eat was easy? Everyone piled in the car, and went for pizza—or burgers and fries—or tacos—or if you were a snobby family, you went to a place that served “cuisine.”

 

The point is , everyone went and ate what was on the menu.

 

Fast forward to today, when going out to eat has become an epic problem. Why? Because most people are allergic to EVERYTHING nowadays, or they have severe dietary restrictions.

 

“Gluten Intolerant”—-“Lactose Intolerant”—-“Vegan”—“Fructose intolerant”

 

OK, I made up the last one—-but you get the point.

 

Nowadays, planning to take a group of people out to eat is as complex as planning a military assault.

 

“OK—Joey is allergic to soy, and Tina is a vegan.Jerry can’t handle gluten, and I’m lactose intolerant. I guess McDonalds is out.”

 

These are the kinds of thoughts that run thru your mind when you are planning to take a group of people/friends or family out to eat.

Now,if you were smart, you would have never brought this up to begin with—but its too late for that, so now, you have to do some planning. LOTS of planning.

The first step is finding a restaurant that might possibly have a wide enough variety of food.

 

The next step is making phone calls to insure that the restaurant will be able to deal with everyone in the group.

 

The next step is hoping that the waiter/waitress will be willing to deal with all your extra demands and questions and be satisfied with the 15% tip. Hmm—maybe you better make it 20%—or 25%—-you might want to come back here, and you don’t want to be consuming the bodily fluids of the server who will recognize you from the last time you came in and only tipped them 15%.

 

So that’s restaurants—–but there is an even bigger hurdle nowadays when it comes to eating—EATING WITH YOUR FAMILY.

 

That’s right—-your family. You KNOW these people WANT to poison you!!

 

Especially your grandma. She’s not going to go along with all your allergic issues.She cooks with BUTTER,GREASE and GLUTEN—and it tastes good, and YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SECONDS.

 

Even if you eat food that you think is “dairy and gluten free”, trust me, your grandma found a way to put butter and gluten in it.

 

“Do you like that pumpkin pie Brian?”

 

“UMMM—yes.You know Grandma, I’m lactose intolerant, so pumpkin pie is one of the few desserts I can eat.”

 

“Oh dear. There’s milk in that pie.Sorry dear. “

 

(Brian looks up at sky as he feels stomach begin to gurgle and screams in best Shatner voice )

 

“Graaaaaannnnndmaaaaaaa!”

 

So gone are the days that people can freely eat out with their family and friends. Yes pills and enzymes may help a little—but basically, for many of us, being forced into a situation where we have to “eat out” and we don’t know whats in the food has become a fearful event.

 

And that’s both funny and sad. The question we need to ask is Why are so many people so allergic to everything?

 

i’ll let you think about that.