Recently I was looking back and reflecting on my life and I have to be honest: I was impressed.So impressed that I thought I’d share some of my achievements and awards with my FB friends—-not to brag, but to show you all that(Makes mildly condescending face) if I can do it, so can you.
1) Honorary member of BLM—–“Bald Lives Matter”
2) Winner of the “Best Instrumental Performance in an Acapella Vocal.”
3) Voted 2nd most likely to “Labor and Remain in Obscurity”
4) Winner of the “Best Vocal Performance in an Instrumental”(1996 Grammy awards)
5) 1st runner up for The 1999 Pulitzer prize for my book, “The Most Famous Guy You’ve Never Heard Of”
6) Winner of the “Youth Appreciation Award” from the AARP(2015)
7)Voted the “Most improved player” on my High School Junior varsity Football team.
(Oh yeah—I could’ve been a contender)
8)2nd place in the 1st Annual Snow Shoveling Award
9) Received an Honorable Mention in the 1st round of auditions for “MTV Basement tapes.”
10)Winner of the “Best extra Award” for my role as a dead zombie in “Night of the Living Dead.”
Now my dear friends, I hope that after you finish reading this short abridged list of MY many awards and achievements,you wont feel envy or feel like a failure.
The main goal in sharing all of this with you,dear dear Facebook friends is to show you the value of hard work and the pride that you too can feel in looking back on a life of dubious achievement.