3 Comments

“PRESIDENT CARTMAN VS FAKE NEWS”

You know, watching the back and forth between President Trump and certain news media organizations has reminded me more and more every day of a Southpark skit being acted out in real life.
 
So here submitted for your amusement is my parody of the current feud between the White House and these media outlets voiced thru Southpark characters.
 
(In best Mr Mackie voice) “OK—— people? Can I have your attention? This is just for your amusement ONLY? This is NOT political commentary, mmkay? It’s good to just laaaaugh? Laughter’s good? Mmmkay? 😉
 
(The scene: President “Cartman” is just now announcing his next Press conference to the White House Press corps)
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: “And so, I will have my next Press conference tomorrow? At 11:00 am eastern time, and you’re alllll invited—except for Stan and Kyle.”
 
KYLE:”Oh come on Cartman! “
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: “Sorry Kyle. You can’t come.”
 
STAN:”Cartman, you can’t block us! We’re part of the Press!”
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: “You’re fake news Stan.Fake.Sorry, but I don’t allow fake news at my press conferences.”
 
KYLE:” Cartman, we are NOT Fake news.”
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN:” That’s President Cartman Kyle. PRESSSSIDENT. Ahhhhhh—–Let me hear you say it Kyyyyyle.”

 
KYLE: “You’re not my president Cartman.You’re just a douche.”
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN:” You see?You SEE? (Looks imploringly at Mr Mackie) THAT’s why you’re not invited Kyle!”
 
STAN: “Ok you guys.Calm down. Look PRESIDENNNT Cartman——I thought we were friends? Why are you turning against us?”
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: “I told you why Stan. You’re fake news. You’re enemies of the peopaaah Stan. The people don’t trust you Stan.”
 
KYLE: “Cartman you fat piece of crap! Who do you think you are?”
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN:(Gets more agitated): “You know who I am Kyyyl?You wanna know who I am? (starts to sing) “I am the prezzz—iiii—-dennnnt.And youuuu are notttttt. (Kyel looks down, totally annoyed, puts fingers in his ears)I ammm the prezzzzz—-i——dent—and you’re just —–faaaaaaaake——- newwwwwwwws.”
 
MR MACKIE: “Ok Eric, that’s enough. I think you made your point, mmkay?”
 
STAN: “Mr Mackie, he can’t keep us out of his next press conference——can he?”
 
MR MACKIE: “I’m afraid he can Stan.Eric IS the president now,and you guys said some pretty mean things about him,mmmkay? “
 
KYLE:”Yeah but Mr Mackie, he—“
 
MR MACKIE: “No no no Kyle, its true. You called him(Looks down at his I-Phone) a liar, a fat piece of crap, a misogyniiiiist, a Bigot, a—-“
 
(All the while Mr Mackie is reading,Eric Cartman is standing behind him making faces at Stan and Kyle, sticking his tongue out—holding up his phone, which is set to Twitter)
 
MR MACKIE: (Continues) “A tax evader, pure evil, —-“
 
KYLE: “Yeah but he IS all those things Mr Mackie! “
 
MR MACKIE: “Now Kyle, I agree Eric can be a bit much sometimes—“
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: “HEY!”
 
MR MACKIE: “But you guys have been really hard on Eric, and I think you boys need to stop all this foolishness, mmmkaaaay?”
 
STAN: “But Mr Mackie!”
 
MR MACKIE: “I mean it STAN! Now Eric?”
 
(Mr Mackie turns around to look at Eric, who quickly stops making faces at Stan and Kyle, stops tweeting and makes classic Trump/Mussolini face)
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: “What is it—Counnnnselor Maaaaackie?”
 
Mr MACKIE: “Eric, I want you and Stan and Kyle to all shake hands. This has gone on long enough!”
 
PRESIDENT CATRMAN:”WHAT?Apologize?No way man. No way. “
 
KYLE: (Smiles in a cynical way) “Sure Mr Mackie—I’ll apologize. What do you say Eric? Can we bury the hatchet?”
 
STAN:(Sees what Kyle is doing, jumps on band wagon) “Yeah Eric.We won’t saaaay annnnnnnything baaaad annnnnnymorrrre. Weeee prommmmmmmmiiise.”
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: (Starts to get mad) “No way man. Screw you guys. This is NOT Fair. MR Mackie, they’re just gonna make fun of me again!”
 
KYLE AND STAN(In unison) “Weeeee wonnnnnnnt.”
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: “Did you see that Mr Mackie? Did you see? You know what? SCREW YOU GUYS—I’m going home.”
 
(Walks away whistling melody from “My Way” By Frank Sinatra)
 
KYLE AND STAN: “You suck Cartman!”
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN: (Mumbles as he walks back into White house) “Asshole fake news douchebags say what?”
 
(Camera pans to entire press corps, who have all been silent while this exchange has been taking place)
 
WOLF BLITZER: “Um Mister President? Does this mean there will be no press conference Mr President? Mr President? “
 
PRESIDENT CARTMAN:(Under his breath,without looking back) “Biiiiiite me Wolllf you jewish assshooooo.”
 
(Entire Press corp looks around at each other in disbelief, shrugs shoulders)
 
KYLE: (Turns and looks at Stan) “Come on Stan, lets get out of here.”
 
STAN:”Yeah—who cares about a stupid Press conference anyways. Hey—— I just got the new Basketball 2017—-you wanna play?”
 
KYLE: “Yeah—that sounds awwwesome dude. Way more fun than being a reporter.”
 
STAN: “Dude. We’re not real reporters, remember? We’re fake news.”
 
KYLE: “Yeahhhhh—-HAHAHAHAHA”
 
(They both smile and hi five, as they walk away into the distance)
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3 comments on ““PRESIDENT CARTMAN VS FAKE NEWS”

  1. It’s interesting that you mention Mussolini in a post about Trump and the freedom of the press (the first amendment to the US Constitution). From Wikipedia:

    ‘Newspaper editors were all personally chosen by Mussolini and only those in possession of a certificate of approval from the Fascist Party could practice journalism. These certificates were issued in secret; Mussolini thus skillfully created the illusion of a “free press”. ‘

    That business aside, I really like your writing style, and I always have a good laugh reading your posts!

    Like

    • I actually picked Mussolini because if you look at old photos and videos of Mussolini and the facial expressions he made/the way he moved his arms and then compare them to Trump/his facial expressions & movements, you’ll see a big similarity.In fact, it’s pretty freaky how similar they are.

      But i’m glad you got a laugh out of my posting “Mrs Mcneal” 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • I compared him to Mussolini because he LOOKS EXACTLY like Mussolini—same facial expressions, hand gestures. Its really wild.

      Like

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