So many people seem to have been in failed marriages, or have had one bad relationship after another—“Why?” they say–“What’s wrong with me?”
Well, I would submit it is our culture that is making it harder and harder for relationships to succeed in this day and age for a multitude of reasons, but two in particular:
1)People have more options/it’s easier for people to cheat
2)No one is sure of their roles anymore.
Now many would say that #2 is a good thing, and that it was good that these “Roles” are gone and that we have more options—well— yes and no.
Yes in that those “expected roles” did limit people—but when people knew what was expected on them, it made it more likely for long term relationships to work.
The stats bear this out. Marriages lasted longer and divorce was rarer in the old days—Doesn’t mean everyone was happy! Far from it!
But back in the day, people had lower expectations for “their desires and needs being met”
But today? People don’t tolerate feeling sad or ignored in a relationship–because hey—they have more options.
Also, back in the day, it took effort to cheat.
You had to either wait til your partner wasn’t there, or go to pay phone to communicate with someone you were interested in having an affair with—now?
We have Facebook, Cell phones—texting. LOL Everyone is easier to find and its easier for people to hook up.
Also, the fact that more women are choosing careers is making it harder for relationships to last because now women have more options too—and they are taking advantage of that.
(70% of all divorces are initiated by women. )
(BTW—-I’m not attacking women for wanting to have careers—I’m all for freedom of choice and people doing what they want with their lives—I’m just stating the facts that those choices have created.)
Plus lets face it—- our society is more sexualized! Porn is available right on your computer . You don’t have to buy a dirty magazine, or slink off to a dirty movie house if you need your “curiosity fulfilled.”
Also—- Nudity and “affairs” are far more accepted than it was when I was a kid.So whereas in the old days your options were fewer and it was harder to cheat, now its very easy to not only physically cheat, but to MENTALLY cheat. LOTS of that going on.
So IMO, this whole idea of “Getting into a long relationship” with someone is becoming more and more passe every year.
Its getting so bad/the divorce rates are so high that really, there should a drummer doing rim shots at weddings when people “recite their vows”
“I promise to take her, as long as I live”(Ba doom TISH) “In sickness and in health(“Ba doom Tish!) etc
A few more things: We also live in a society that glorifies narcissism, which is a mindset that is totally untenable to a lasting relationship.
Also, as a man, I see no reason to get married. EVER. I’ve never married and don’t regret it one bit because most of my friends /guys I knew who got married got screwed hard.
( OK,Not everyone—-Please don’t write me and tell me how happy you are. Exceptions prove the rule. )
Like many people,I’ve also been in relationships which started out well and crashed and burned hard, and when I look back on what I gained from the relationship vs what I lost the aftermath of that relationship, I can honestly say the losses outweighed the gains.
If my experience was rare, I would not have a reason to write this—but the fact that I know my experience with relationships is not abnormal, but the norm has inspired me to write this and suggest that men avoid marriage and relationships, especially if you love your career and want to maintain your freedom.
I wrote this because like myself, I know there are many other men who in our modern age have also struggled to make relationships work—far harder than our parents or especially our Grandparents ever did. I know that many men feel pressured to “settle down” and “Have a family” because hey—its what their friends are doing, its what their parents did etc.
But the hard reality is that Over 50% of marriages end in divorce and as I said earlier,70% of those divorces are initiated by the woman.
Now—–When you consider as a man what will most likely happen to you in a divorce(Loss of access to your children, alimony, child support,1/2 your assets gone) and you consider that the chance of that happening is OVER 50%—to me, this is something men should avoid.
So again, to all those who want to write me and tell me”Well my parents have been married 40 years blah blah blah” Yes—that’s your PARENTS—-They got married in a different time. You’re proving my point when you say that. The scenario and reality I am I’m talking about exists for younger men —–especially to the millennials/men between 20-35.
Think about it this way:
If you were going to start a business and you faced the failure rate and consequences of marriage, you wouldn’t start that business. You’d do something else. Capiche?
So Millenial guys! Listen up! It’s not your fathers era any more guys. Get smart!
Now I know there will be some who accuse me of being “bitter” or misogynistic. People will say ” But you gain so much from being in a relationship Brian.”
Well lets see put this to the test. Lets consider what I can do now as a single guy:
1)I can sleep when I want/stay up as long as I want.
2) I can watch what I want/when I want.
3) I can do what I want & Go where I want—and I don’t have to report to someone and/or ask their permission.
4) If I want female company, I can get it, and I’m not limited to one person
5) I can travel if I want, or stay home and do nothing alllll day without someone nagging me about it.
6)I don’t have to deal with people I don’t know, family members who are a pain in the ass, their kids etc.
7) I don’t have to deal with the problems of a relationship—arguing, fighting, drama.All of these things drain your energy and sap your will to live.
What I get from being single in place of drama? Just lots of quiet. Peace and quiet.
Now—where is the gain for me, or any other man to be in a relationship in 2018?
Meh. If I need female companionship, I have tons of female friends I can chat with . I don’t need to marry a woman for female companionship.
Well, lets be honest here. The sex is always the best in the beginning—but I don’t care how many things you try to “keep it fresh”, it gets stale over time.
So getting in a relationship= Giving up allll the freedom I have for a few months(Or a year if I’m lucky) of great sex that eventually fades out with the frequency and enjoyment going down more and more over time.
Sorry—that’s not a good trade. You can get sex without getting married guys. Just be careful.
So in sum—relationships in the 21st century are filled with landmines and should be avoided—especially marriage, and especially if you’re a man. There is NO benefit to a man getting married and lots of risk/loss of freedom that occurs, not to mention the emotional scarring that occurs when the marriage/relationship invariably fails as it usually does.
(By the way:——I also think a woman’s life can be ruined by marriage too—–but we hear about how bad things are for women all the time, and I’m a guy ,so I’m going to talk about OUR genders point of view here. There are plenty of essays and articles and magazines and TV shows that talk about women’s issues and from a woman’s point of view. If you want to hear a woman’s point of view on this, go read or watch those shows.)