Tag Archive | The simpsons

“Broadly Speaking”

I once knew a broad who was goin abroad. She was an anxious broad with a broad smile who couldn’t wait to get ON board to GO abroad. She told me: “Brian,I’m a Broad whose gonna be on BROADway!” To which I said: “Well, thats a broad statement! Shouldn’t you wait to get on board […]

“HOW THE BRITISH CONQUERED THE WORLD”

We all know that the British Empire was for a time the master of much of the world. But how did Britain, a small country, conquer so much of the world and gain such a great influence over so many countries? Well, it wasn’t because of their superior navy or military as we’ve been told. […]

“MISCELLANEOUS OBSERVATIONS AND MUSINGS” (Pt 27)

1) The trick to looking beautiful? Surround yourself with people uglier than you. 2) So many people are in denial— but they’ll NEVER admit it! Of course,I’d admit if I was in denial, but I’m not. I deny being in denial. I guess that makes me a double denier? 3) What would happen if a […]

“MISCELLANEOUS OBSERVATIONS AND MUSINGS” (Pt 26)

1) Just realize that no matter how hip you think you are right now, in 25 years, there will be younger people laughing at your pictures, and anyone else who looks like you. Time has a way of making everything cool today cheesy in the future. 2) What’s up with all the long shorts? And […]

“THE BANDS AND ARTISTS THAT HISTORY FORGOT” (Pt 12)

111) “5 INCH NAILS” Claiming to have formed their band 2 years before the famous “9 Inch Nails”, the all female group “5 Inch Nails” (Who are comprised of ex playboy bunnies) actually HAVE long nails—-5 Inch Nails—-and they are proud of it! When I asked her why they grew their nails out so long […]

“BRIAN EATS HASH BROWNIES”(A True Story)

It was the spring of 1984, and I was in a band called “ICE”—a really good band with great musicians. We were all young, but I was the youngest at 19.We performed 6 nights a week all over the country—-it was a grueling schedule, a schedule that would probably kill me now—but ahh the joy […]

TIME’S PERSON OF THE YEAR: THE GRIM REAPER(My Interview with “Grim”)

  As we come to the end of the year, I regret to inform you that again, the runaway winner for TIME magazines “Person of the Year”for the second year in a row isssssss—(Drum rolll) ——THE GRIM REAPER! (Cue Blue Oyster Cults “Don’t Fear The Reaper” song—“The Grim Reaper” makes his entrance hitting a cowbell, […]