Tag Archive | The simpsons

“THE BANDS AND ARTISTS THAT HISTORY FORGOT” (Pt 12)

111) “5 INCH NAILS” Claiming to have formed their band 2 years before the famous “9 Inch Nails”, the all female group “5 Inch Nails” (Who are comprised of ex playboy bunnies) actually HAVE long nails—-5 Inch Nails—-and they are proud of it! When I asked her why they grew their nails out so long […]

“BRIAN EATS HASH BROWNIES”(A True Story)

It was the spring of 1984, and I was in a band called “ICE”—a really good band with great musicians. We were all young, but I was the youngest at 19.We performed 6 nights a week all over the country—-it was a grueling schedule, a schedule that would probably kill me now—but ahh the joy […]

TIME’S PERSON OF THE YEAR: THE GRIM REAPER(My Interview with “Grim”)

  As we come to the end of the year, I regret to inform you that again, the runaway winner for TIME magazines “Person of the Year”for the second year in a row isssssss—(Drum rolll) ——THE GRIM REAPER! (Cue Blue Oyster Cults “Don’t Fear The Reaper” song—“The Grim Reaper” makes his entrance hitting a cowbell, […]

“MISCELLANEOUS OBSERVATIONS AND MUSINGS” (Pt 25)

1) I always hear people saying the phrase”We need to learn to think outside the box”—-Outside the box? How about we learn whats INSIDE the box first? I dont think we’re ready to go outside yet, based on what I’ve seen. Baby steps people! 2) My jokes are a lot like cheese: Some are good—-some […]

“ROMANCE ON THE HIGH SEAS” (A True Story)

In 1997, I began a three year stint as a pianist for Carnival Cruise lines, and tho it started off roughly, I had some very memorable and wonderful moments. The story I am about to tell here was not one of them (Tho it is rather humorous in retrospect) I was performing an instrumental set […]

“PRESIDENT TRUMP GIVES A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS FOR 2017”

“Ladies and Gentlemen? The President of the United States!” (Some applaud, some boo—Trump waves, smiles, ignores booers) PRESIDENT TRUMP: “Ladies and gentlemen of the Congress,citizens of this fine country—Let me just say that the State of our Union is verrry verry good. It’s tremendous. We’re winning big folks. My administration has made progress——more progress than […]

“Et TU YODA?”

My Dear Readers: What I am about to tell you may be the most sad dreary piece of news I have ever reported! Of all the horrific and embarrassing scandals that have recently been unveiled, there are none that have hit me at the center of my soul more than this one. I am of […]